So, due to the lack of ANY positive response from ANY of the places, to which I wrote, proposing Hebrew Course(s), I had tried to come up with one last, alternative, totally desperate plan: to study in Prague. I did hear pretty positive stuff regarding their karl university, so, I thought, maybe this way…
But! At this movie I had already been – and it is a SHOCKINGLY bad one.
Back on summer 2003, like now, I had no idea, where to turn next. The formerly-prosperous World of 2001 had already been in ruins. Emotionally, as bad as economically, my entire Great Civilization was in shambles. And my self-assurance and self-confidence had been at an all-times low.
So, some mortally idiots from my bloody family, came up with the stupidest hare-brain suggestion EVER: why would I not register to some university and embrace an academic life? And, emotionally devastated and mentally exhausted as I had been then, I had retardedly accepted that bloody offer.
The payment for THAT mistake was, for me, four and a half years, of going in the wrongest direction imaginable, suffering constantly at alien, utterly hostile environments, at cities I can only wish would have been bombed into utter destruction (namely: haifa and jerusalem) already CENTURIES ago, both full of NOTHING, but the cruelest, dumbest, most vile humans imaginable. And those universities!! Hell on Earth, totally nothing besides that. But, idiotically, having promised I shall go on, I did – even when ALL signs were obvious I must quit now!! (And, by Spring 2007, I truly SHOULD have realized, that all that university-studies BULLSHIT is bound to bring me absolutely NOTHING, but ever more suffering and sorrow still.
Eventually, after almost four and a half years of self-destruction, by early 2008, all that HORROR came to an end – and ONLY after my mother begged me to quit (as I thought to try tel-aviv university, as bad!! Just because I gave my word, which is NEVER to be broken…) – and I FINALLY put THAT utter nightmare totally BEHIND me.
So, now – to actually go BACK to that?!? And for what, so that I could live v Praze?!? Granted, TODAY the Czech Republic is infinitely nicer, for me however, than israhell; but! A country which people, in a stunning majority, support the horrifying actions, of the lybian child-murdering coast-guard and PRAISE(!!) the hungarian and italian OPENLY-nazi governments?
So, when I was living at Prague, it was nice! But! I have already heard, of certain incidents, where brown-shirts-like gangs harassed and attacked foreigners – supported, no doubt, by the words of czech president zeman, czech prime-minister babis and all the rest of those openly-pro-nazi leading politicians, against ALL foreigners!!
So – in all likelihood, it is only a matter of time, until those gangs, shall be a semi-offician arm of the czech police-force, in "properly dealing" with "middle-eastern/semitic elements"… to tell them, I hate the middle-east and crave to be a Czech? What would that help? Did it help the anti-zionist jews in europe, back on 1939? Does it help the Kurdish Refugees from Syria today? Or the Refugees from eritrea??
For the neo-nazis, ALL are just "foreigners"; "cizinec". And that's the end of it!!
I, for one, did not hear of ONE SINGLE MASS-DEMONSTRATION, held in Prague in support of accepting the Refugees. Nothing. Who would protest for me, when all non-european students, would be rounded-up for deportation, if not the gas-chambers?
Not like the regime in israhell is any better; mind you, it is much worse still!! BUT!! having come face to face, with all the monstrosity of bureaucratic requirements, presented to ANY non-e.u. person craving to study, or live in general, in that republic… with that super-antipathetic embassy of theirs… one cannot avoid the feeling, that this is their way of saying, "we do not really want you here. You shall never truly be welcome. But, if you really must come… okay, do that and that and that and that… and then, maybe".
I know, it's partly just rationalizing a decision. But – hell, I truly have no energies for such an endeavour, not anymore… I am not a 20-year-old guy anymore… three times (1998, 2014 and 2018) I did try my VERY Best to emigrate to central europe, and on each time I lost A LOT!! Materially speaking, but NOT only, also the Hope, the belief, that here, I am, at last!!, FREE of israhell!! Just to be crashed, YET AGAIN, into this hell and to find myself, as in my VERY WORST of ALL nightmares, right here, at central rehovoth, central israhell, yet AGAIN.
I am sorry. At age 43, I truly have no power, no energies anymore, for attempt number 4…